cultivating & crashing

an organic collection of notes, observations, and thoughts

Germs and guts

Recently I’ve become fascinated by our microbiomes. This comes as the weaving together of loose threads that have appeared in the few years since I developed gut problems following an extremely harsh round of antibiotics. I don’t have any background in anything related to microbiology or immunology, but I am now reading Living with Germs by John Playfair and am planning to read I Contain Multitudes by Ed Yong in hopes of learning more. In the interim, here is a video by the CBC that blew my mind. If anybody reading this has any suggestions, send them my way!


And it’s the ‘feeling we can’t cope’ that can lead us to avoid or delay important things.

If I change the things I do and change how I think, I will change how I feel.

«knowledge translation» de cambios positivos pos psicósis

  • ser sensible a los factores negativos, no negar lo que pueden estar sintiendo cuando más están sufriendo. una manera de hacer esto es de mostrar una variedad de experiencias y en distintos puntos de varias trayectorias. les puede ir un poquito bien no más — todas las experiencias son “ciertas”. el rango es más fiel a la realidad.
  • no crear esperanzas no realistas.

Sopa de res salvadoreña

700g hueso de res, carne cortado en pedazos (la próxima usar más huesos para el caldo para que tenga más gusto)
unos ramitos de perejil, cilantro
yuca grande en pedazos
zanahoria grande en rodajas
plátano verde en rodajas
medio repollo verde en cubos grandes
choclo en rodjas
chayote en pedazos
cilantro picado

Hervir carne con perejil y cilantro en tres litros de agua por 45 minutos. Salar a gusto. Agregar yuca, zanahoria y plátano, seguir cociendo 15 minutos más. Agregar más agua si hace falta. Añadir choclo, repollo y chayote, seguir cociendo 10 minutos más. Servir con palta, jalapeño, lima y cilantro.

overheard in a psychiatric hospital

we can think of people “with mental illness” as people who reveal signs of distress in the face of a tough life and a crappy organization of society — they are canaries in the coal mine and we want that sensitivity. they are simply more sensitive to the world, to our shitty reality


«peer support»

  • creer en él, saber que yo puedo ayudar
  • escucharlo
  • preguntar qué es lo mejor para él
  • en qué sos bueno, en qué sos fuerte, cuales son tus debilidades
  • qué es lo que sos, qué es lo que hacés aparte de tener una enfermedad, porque la enfermedad es solamente una faceta de quién sos, no te define totalmente
  • puede ayudar tener un proyecto
  • respetar los tiempos de cada uno
  • apoyo u intervención constante y a largo plazo
  • “respect, shared responsibility and mutual agreement of what is helpful” (Mead, Hilton, Curtis 2001)

aspectos que desarollar

  • expresión creativa: arte visual, música, poesía
  • deporte y actividades sociales
  • alojamiento y empleo
  • familia y seres queridos


These past few days I’ve realized that I have passively considered myself marginalized for most of my life. When I lived at home, I was non-white (according to US standards), in an abusive home situation, low income, came from an uneducated family, I took care of younger siblings. As a student, I was struggling like mad to get over these things and also to make ends meet to be able to keep studying. I had been depressed and struggled emotional, and was unemployed and unable to provide for myself.

Suddenly, I find myself graduating and emerging into the real world with a new job and a new life. I realize I am now educated, not a visible minority, gainfully employed, emotionally stable, living with  supportive and loving partner, no messy family situation, taking care of only myself. I feel that I’ve left a vulnerable status and been accepted to a non-vulnerable status. It’s a strange transition, but a welcome one. I always knew I had a great deal of privilege relative to the rest of the world, but it was never such that it provided me enough stability to feel better off. Today, being better off is very palpable.

With this new phase of privilege comes greater responsibility to use it for good, and to help bring up those who are not here yet.


Last night we had a terrorist attack in Quebec City on a mosque, just a few days after Trump’s Muslim ban. Five people are dead and six are seriously injured after a shooting. And today it strikes me that I finally understand what terrorism feels like. I was living half an hour away from the Pentagon when September 11 happened, but I watched the events and observed the mourning in others the same way I did when it happened in Ankara or in Nice. This had nothing to do with me, those were not my people. Today, I am thinking of the acquaintances, roommates, and friends that woke up to the news that people like them had been killed for being who they are. These are my friends, my people, that have been attacked, and it is horrifying.

El año viejo

No me arrepiento

No me arrepiento de este amor
Aunque me cueste el corazón
Amar es un milagro y yo te amé
Como nunca jamás lo imaginé
Tiendo a arrancarme de tu piel
De tu mirada, de tu ser
Yo siento que la vida se nos va
Y que el día de hoy no vuelve más

Después de cerrar la puerta
Nuestra cama espera abierta
La locura apasionada del amor
Y entre un te quiero y te quiero
Vamos remontando al cielo
Y no puedo arrepentirme de este amor