Something’s happened recently that deserves my articulating it. During the time since I left home seven years ago — in the time I’ve been writing here — I’ve felt that I was always scrambling to find footing and create stability in my life. In the past month it’s dawned on me that I’ve finally reached a place where I feel I have those things. I am studying something I love and will find work in, and in general my mind has understood that I’m no longer flailing in the dark just trying to keep afloat; I’m thriving and learning to enjoy the work instead of panicking at the constant thought of sinking. This feels unprecedented and momentous. It’s perhaps why I’m finally feeling confident enough to consider reconnecting with people from back home.
It’s funny because I remember Mike telling me to just wait until I was 27, that I would relax and life would turn up. I never really imagined it could be true or that it might work like that, but today I’m feeling very much convinced that I’m getting a taste of a different life ahead.
Hopefully I’ll be able to tap into this space from now on when I’m feeling frantic. I have the upcoming midterm period to test it out.