To all the strapping suitors it may concern

by Sofia

Dating application

Full name (humorous stories about how your name was chosen or what it means are optional):


(If born before 1970, your application will not be processed.)

SAT scores:
(Scores above 730 will not be tolerated. Lie if necessary.)

Last culmulative GPA:


Sports/physical activity:

Mile time:

Instruments played:

List three strengths and weaknesses:

Are you racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic or in any other way mentally deficient? ( Yes / No ) If yes, cease and desist.

Do you have a criminal record? If so, what for? (Having one does not disqualify you; in fact, it may help your chances.)

Describe your use of drugs (alcohol, tobacco, illicit and prescription):

Describe your eating habits:

Dating history. Provide name, dates and reason for breakup of your three most recent relationships, as well as STI information if applicable. Strong applications will include 2-3 references (mothers, fathers or best friends of ex’s).

Areas of interest (as many or as few as you like):

Essay questions (250-500 words each)
1. What is your favorite book and why?
2. Define what femininity means to you.
3. What is your goal in life? What drives you? What is important to you?
4. Why do you want to date me? (If the response includes the words “tits” or “ass”, do not bother submitting your application.)

Anything else you want me to know about you:

On the back of this page, draw something. Anything. Use of colour encouraged but not required.