cultivating & crashing

an organic collection of notes, observations, and thoughts

Así

Así es la vida: triste y jodida

El que no te caga, te olvida

do not attach()

Note to self: DO NOT USE attach(). Do whatever it takes to avoid it.

I would up making a mess of my variables, to the point were the variables of the dataframe I was using were masking themselves four times over.

In case this happens in the future, to get out of the mess:

  1. locate the code you used to create dataframe
  2. figure out how you’ve manipulated the variables since you attached the dataframe they came from so you can run these transformations again later, so you can keep doing what you were supposed to be doing in the first place instead of messing up your Global Environment
  3. search() to look at what you currently have sitting in your path. you will see copies of the attached dataframe. the more copies, the more silly you were
  4. rm() variables that should be IN the dataframe that you cavalierly created outside of it, like a numbnuts
  5. detach(dataframe) so package it back up
  6. rm(dataframe) to delete the whole goddamn thing (one iteration of it, that is)
  7. repeat steps 2-4 until you see no more iterations of the dataframe in your path
  8. re-create dataframe using code from step 1
  9. correct all code to include dataframe$ before variable names
  10. repeat all of your manipulations from step 2
  11. resist the temptation to attach() dataframes ever again

Merluzzo!

J’ai fait du merlu en papillotes ce soir pour un souper de Shabat avec Jean-Noé.

thesisthesissendhelpthesis

A month from submission, I am officially in thesis mode. Which is why I have set up a date with myself over the weekend to make a crochet bathroom rug. (?)

I have recently discovered what to do with radishes, and that they are wonderful! Sliced on labneh and olive oil toast, sprinkled with sumac. Or roasted with balsamic vinegar. Salad shmalad!

If you want to know how eating habits have changed in the US over the past four and a half decades, you can check trends out here.

Today I learned

how to make a boring but neat flowchart in Word. And this, too, was progress.

Slow, check. Working on steady.

It took me four hours and thirty-odd minutes to write two paragraphs with a total of five citations. This is progress!

I used to think grad student stereotypes were grossly exaggerated and only applied to sissies. And so this is the year of Learning To Eat My Words And Not Judge.

For next time I panic and don’t work: it’s not difficult to write. It just takes time and moderate concentration. Just follow the directions, make sure to check off all the boxes and it will get done, slowly but surely.

On parenting quackery

Reddit may not save the world, but it certainly makes it a better place.

I really appreciate this woman’s balanced, reasoned arguments. Looking forward to reading her book and following up her claims with Cochrane reviews.

https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/4danct/science_ama_series_im_amy_tuteur_an/

In other news, I’m making amba, which means there is a jar of mango pieces fermenting in my kitchen. Not sure why but it makes me giddy.

 

Watershed

Bought expensive salt today. Feels like a turning point in my life. Brb, figuring out how to use finishing salt while still being punk rock.

Edit: expensive salt is an emperor with no clothing. I guess it goes to show you can sometimes turn around after a watershed moment. Or that one should be more judicious about labeling events as such.

Sumo stew

I made this yesterday and it was just as delicious as I’d hoped. Will be making it again.

Ingredients

    • 8 ounces udon noodles
    • 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt, divided, plus more
    • 3 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided
    • 4–6 large eggs (optional)
    • 8 ounces sliced maitake or shiitake mushrooms
    • 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
    • 1 tablespoon finely chopped ginger
    • 3 teaspoons white miso paste
    • 4 cups homemade or store-bought low-sodium chicken broth (or seafood stock)
    • 1 (6×5-inch) piece dried kombu
    • 1 tablespoon low-sodium soy sauce
    • Chicken Meatballs with Ginger and Miso (or fishballs)
    • 1 medium carrot, sliced into 1/4-inch coins
    • 3/4 pound baby bok choy, trimmed, cut crosswise in 2-inch pieces (about 6 cups)
    • 1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar (optional)
    • 8 ounces skinless flaky white fish (such as bass, halibut, branzino, or cod), cut into 3×3/4-inch pieces
    • 8 ounces peeled, deveined, tail-on large shrimp
    • 2 tablespoons sliced scallions

Preparation

Cook udon in a medium pot of boiling salted water according to package directions. Transfer udon to a colander to drain; reserve cooking liquid in pot. Transfer udon to a large bowl and toss with 1 Tbsp. oil.

    1. If using eggs, cover pot and return cooking liquid to a boil. Add eggs and cook at a low boil until soft-boiled, about 6 minutes. Transfer eggs to a large bowl of ice water to cool, then peel and reserve.
    2. Heat remaining 2 Tbsp. oil in a large pot over medium-high. Sauté mushrooms and 1/4 tsp. salt until lightly browned and moisture releases, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic and ginger; cook until fragrant, 30–60 seconds. Stir in miso, then add chicken broth. Stir in kombu, if using, soy sauce, and remaining 1/2 tsp. salt. Cover, bring to a simmer, and cook 10 minutes.
    3. Add meatballs and carrots. Cover and continue to simmer until meatballs are just cooked through, about 10 minutes. Remove kombu from broth and discard.
    4. Stir in bok choy and vinegar, if using. Place fish on top of stew, then cover and cook 3 minutes. Gently fold in shrimp (try to avoid breaking up fish) and cook, covered, until shrimp is pink and fish is opaque and cooked through, about 3 minutes more.
    5. Divide stew among bowls. Slice eggs in half lengthwise and top each bowl with 2 halves. Sprinkle with scallions. Serve udon in large bowl for sharing alongside.

Why are you lonely

Copied from the Toast.

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: CHOOSE ONE

  • FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU
  • WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST
  • CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS
  • ONCE AGAIN CONFUSED “EMPATHY” FOR “TAKING RESPONSIBILITY” AND INVITED OTHERS TO UNLOAD THEIR EMOTIONAL BURDENS ON YOU WITHOUT FIRST ENSURING RECIPROCITY, WHOOPS
  • ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM
    • ASSUMING ANY TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU HAD TO INITIATE IS SOMEHOW LESS AUTHENTIC THAN REQUESTS FOR TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU ACCEPT
  • BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU
  • CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THEN WONDER WHY YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS YOU
  • MISTAKENLY BELIEVE THAT NEGATIVE FEELINGS MUST BE MISTAKES EITHER TO BE AVOIDED OR FIXED RATHER THAN EXPERIENCED
  • DESIRE TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT THE CONCOMITANT WILLINGNESS TO FULLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF
  • BELIEVE TRYING AT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SHOULD RESULT IN INSTANT PERFECTION AND FIND YOURSELF HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED OF MAKING REALISTIC PROGRESS
  • TRY COCONUT OIL
  • CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING
  • STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD
  • THINK YOU’RE BEING PLAYFUL BUT ACTUALLY YOU JUST GET MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK
  • SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SAYING THINGS LIKE “EITHER’S GOOD” OR “DOESN’T MATTER TO ME” WHEN IN FACT ONLY ONE THING IS GOOD AND IT DOES MATTER TO YOU BUT YOU THINK “NOT EXPRESSING A PREFERENCE” IS THE BEST PERSONALITY TRAIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER OTHERS
  • PEOPLE ACTUALLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR BARELY-CONCEALED CONTEMPT FOR THEIR CHOICES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAN YOU THINK THEY ARE
  • NO GOOD REASON, SORRY
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